Category Archives: Feelings

Honouring Fridays: July 3rd, 2009

After all that waiting for monsoon rains, they have fully arrived along with streets turned into rivers, mud up to your ankles (and who knows what else might be mixed into that mud…just keep walking and don’t think about it!), and umbrellas an absolute must-have item in your bag.  But for me, it feels so much like home.  Well, maybe not SO much like home.  More like what I imagine the love-child of a wet Vancouver Spring and a humid Ontario summer might be like:  damp, grey, hot, sticky, and raining like the sky has been torn to shreds.  But it is still rain, and I missed the sound, smell, and feeling of it all.  Everything feels cleaner, greener and fresher…except of course for all that mud…now that’s just dirty!  This week’s gratitude goes entirely to the earth-quenching goodness of rain.

  • Jelly shoes. I never before contemplated just how important footwear would be during the monsoon.  I knew I would need to get something better than the Birkenstocks, as leather doesn’t really play well with mud and rain.  But I had been struggling to find something that would be supportive and durable enough to wear all day every day for the next few months – flips flops spray mud up the back of my kurta and long scarf and that is just not very chic.  The answer was so simple…plastic shoes!  Like the jelly sandals of my childhood I suddenly see every woman wearing a bejeweled, flower topped, trendy little pair of jelly sandals.  And while I still have not been able to find a shop that sells them in my size, they are the answer to my quest…no need to buy Chanel or Givenchy jelly shoes for $400 when a pair of chinese imported ones cost only $1.60.
  • The frog symphony. You know who else loves the rain.  The frogs.  I awoke last night to what I thought was the hum of a car or the rumble of the refridgerator only to discover that the frog symphony had begun!  Hundreds or thousands of the little critters must live in the empty lot behind our house.  And together, croaking to an invisible rythm, they drown out the barking dogs!  It is actually insane just how loud they are (one might even think we live in a swamp) but at 4am with the rain tumbling down and the froggy murmurs filling the silence, it is an absolutely beautiful music.
  • Green. The rain has also changed the landscape of Kathmandu.  When we arrived in November, the dominate shade of everything was dust – a brown film of particles had simply covered everything.  Now, I noticed yesterday a lawn, that I am certain wasn’t there the day before.  It looked bright easter basket green, sparkling with drops of water, and growing by the second.  Grass?  Really?  But I swear, they have appeared overnight and all of a sudden are EVERYWHERE.  Everything green has found its season yet again – the bamboo shoots, the banana trees, the rhododendrons, the marigolds, the dhalias, the tropical plants that you have at home in your house that are the size of small trees here – everything is lushly, moistly, and exuberantly green.
  • Coffee, drizzle, jazz, and a good book. Regardless of the temperature rain brings me into a cozy state of mind.  Having grown up with rain as a constant feature of life on the West Coast of Canada there is something so patient, peaceful, and soothing about a good rain.  Add to that rain a healthy dose of good jazz music, an excellent cappucino, and a good book and I think there is nothing that would feel more satisfying.  There is a fantastic, second floor, coffee shop in Kathmandu called the Java Cafe that serves up locally grown and roasted coffee.  The covered patio when it is raining is one of my favourite places in Kathmandu.  They play great jazz music too.  And as long as I bring a good book, I want for nothing but more time to sit and enjoy the moment.

Rooted

home. my place and space, where water coloured edges fray with memories.

invisible roots plunge deeply and firmly, anchoring souls,  like a salmon remembering their stream

home.  my memories tumbling in the waves. they are smoothed and rounded and soft. the jagged edges no longer burn with salt.

the tides ebb and flow even when I am landlocked.  the moon tugs at the current and waves rush to fill a small gap in my heart.

home.  where deep, salty waters preserve my roots.

Honouring Fridays: June 26th, 2009

Terrible nasty chest infection and head cold-2.  Tlell-0.  I had thought, and pardon the visual nature of this next paragraph (please skip if desctiptions of illness, bodily fluids or somewhat gross cultural habits make you the least bit naseous), that any sickness I would encounter in Nepal would likely result in symptoms of the spewing variety or the ever persistent and enviable “bottom explosion”.  I discovered, however, that my achilles heal when it comes to sickness is respiratory.  I must have a magnetic field that attracts the bugs that cause the worst possible head colds and chest infections.  The coughing, hacking, I-just-swallowed-sandpaper, head pounding type of cold that confines one to the Neocitron, sleep, groggy movie watching, sleep cycle has gotten me twice in the last 6 months.  And I have no doubt it will strike again.  The plus…I can eat as much unwashed fruit and unsantized vegetables as I please and seemingly never have stomach or bowel problems…the minus…I still haven’t got the hang of blowing my nose by standing in the street, pressing one nostril in, blowing out the other, and letting whatever comes out drip into a puddle on the ground…I rely heavily on tissue and am a-ok to keep it like that…it just means I have to carry around rolls of toilet paper in my purse.

  • Asparagus.  Like a light sabre of glowing green goodness, the pointy green spears lured me.  I had never thought that asparagus would be a vegetable of discovery here in Nepal but just up the road from my house there is an small organic asparagus growing farm, which conducts research and hosts workshops on how local farmers can grow asparagus.  I eagerly popped into the small lane and nosed around until I found the place.  ALAS!  They didn’t have any just yet…that was 4 weeks ago.  And today (trumpets please!) the large grocery store near out house had bundles and bundles of them!  Who could resist?  Tomorrow morning, we plan to have an asparagus eating competition, followed rather closely by everyone’s favourite toilet game…how can you tell I ate asparagus today? 😉
  • Eating in restaurants where nobody asks you “how does everything taste?”. There was a moment of clarity this week when out eating in a restaurant where we realized why it was so much more enjoyable than eating out in Canada – they let you enjoy yourself and only interrupt when you beckon them!  Genius!  I am all for prompt and efficient service in restaurants but I do believe that the continual witty banter, checkin’ in, and crouching next to my table to really get to my level has gone a bit too far.   Granted, sometimes you can feel neglected, ignored, or even snubbed but it doesn’t take long to realize that the power is really in your hands – when you want something you just have to ask and when you want for nothing, you can bask in it knowing that nobody is hovering to anticipate your every need.
  • All-natural silver cleaner. My silver jewelery has been taking a beating since we arrived (explains why every Nepali woman is decked out in gold…apparently silver tarnishes much faster than other metals and is accelerated in places with high humidity…Nepali women know best!).  In efforts to stay away from harsh chemicals I did some quick searching for a natural solution.  All you need is baking soda, aluminum foil and hot water!  Or toothpaste.
  • Visitors! We are eagerly awaiting the arrival, in just over 2 1/2 months, of my parents from Canada.  There is something so satisfying about having a date, firm and confirmed, in the near future when you will have a new injection of excitement into life.  You get to see your new home through fresh and unjaded eyes which can make everything look so very different.  I think it will gives us new appreciation for what an amazing adventure we are having and the last kick of energy before we close our time in Nepal.  I am grateful for counting down…only 80 days left!

Honouring Fridays: June 5th, 2009

The weekend ahead is full relaxing – no plans and no plans to make any plans.  When I started posting blogs on Fridays the idea was to recognize just how much potential and excitment was wrapped into a Friday – to honour that magical anticipation with some bold words of appreciation.  I am amazed that after writing posts for every Friday since January, I am still full of things to be grateful for.  And while I may have slipped for moments of whining, focussing on the positive things has certainly kept my spirits high and my perspectives in check…no problems, just inconveniences 🙂

  • Lychees.  The season of fresh lychees is in full swing all over Nepal.  The rough brown and pink exterior hides inside a rather gelatinous looking eyeball of sweet, juicy goodness.  I, for one, don’t mind the texture but I could see how it may throw some people off.  Eaten by the dozens they leave the fingers sticky with sugar and rough shards of husk everywhere!  But they are beautiful to look at and sold by the 1 kg bunch from the neighbourhood fruit seller.  I discovered that I had many unanswered questions about the lychee that wikipedia just didn’t have the answers to – enter LycheesOnline with the best set of FAQs I could find including “Can I plant the seeds from my lychee fruit to grow a lychee tree?” – everytime I eat a lychee is this the question I ask myelf.  The answer – YES!
  • Change. The VSO Office in Nepal is undergoing some very drastic changes over the next few months.  Staff are moving on to new opportunities, having babies, and shifting focus.  Additionally, there is a large corporate strategic review happening right now as well.  Everything is in flux.  Nothing feels stable or firm.  However, deep inside that change is opportunity.  It is small, hard to see, and sometimes only evident after squinting for a really long time, but in the distance is the light at the end of the tunnel that brings fresh ideas, renewed energy andexceptional creativity.  There is much to be grateful for but today I am grateful for possibilities.
  • Will Ferrell in Man Vs. Wild.  So, Man vs. Wild is apparently, a really popular show on Discovery channel.  I don’t watch it but I couldn’t resist downloading an episode that featured the Man (Bear Grylls) out in the Arctic of Sweden with Will Ferrell.  It was fantastic!  And it helped cool me down with the scenes of snow and ice in this humid hot house of an apartment.
  • Getting out of Kathmandu. Last weekend we took to the river and had an amazing time rafting through the green hills of Nepal.  What I appreciated most about this experience was that it pulled the focus away from Kathmandu and reminded me just how incredible Nepal truly is.  The geography is extreme, the beauty is intense, and the poverty is very real.  But the poverty, while shocking to some, is simply life for many Nepalis.  They eat what they can grow and live simply.  So, while we make every effort to help Nepali people eliminate poverty, let us not also remove their ability to choose in the process.  While we may see the benefits of refrigerators, cement houses, and products for every possible cleaning dilemma, they see the benefits of house made from local materials, eating daily and not relying on foods that need to stay cold, and having immune systems that cleaning products would actually weaken.  Poverty is not equivalent to a desire to change or a need for a different life.  It means the need for food, clean drinking water, and education – and then choice to determine the type of life they want.

Honouring Fridays: May 29th, 2009

In efforts to get a jump on my blog post due to a white-water rafting extravaganza happening this weekend, I am writing this on Thursday night.  Usually peaceful and quiet evenings are the norm in our cozy little neighbourhood.  However, tonight we have the distinct privilege of a wild and noisy party happening next door.  Ordinarily, I might be particularly bothered by this disruption of peace but it is hard to be mad when the crowd is grooving to a great live band and screaming the lyrics to Bon Jovi and the Police songs at the top of their lungs…if I close my eyes I could be anywhere…when I open them I am both surprised and tickled to remember I am rockin’ out to Bon Jovi in Nepal 🙂

  • Plums. Appearing in street-side wicker baskets all over the city, the bright red and yellow globes are the new must-have fruit of the season 🙂  About the size of very large cherries with intensley bitter skin and sweet juicy insides they are the perfect accessory for fruity salads or workplace snack attacks.  And the pits make great chew toys for long bus rides and are fun to spit out the windows of moving vehicles.  Plus, they are THE newest super food…watch out plums…you may have tried to stay out of the spotlight but I think you might be headed into the super food fastlane…ask the blueberry for tips on handling the “pit”falls of fame and fortune.
  • The sound of children playing in the alleys near our house. From the sterile and serene environment of our Vancouver apartment to our bustling and yet peaceful neighbourhood in Kathmandu, the sounds have changed with the seasons (the evening dog choir is the only constant) and we now have frogs, crickets, and monsoon rains to soothe us to sleep.  But the most joyful and happy sound is actually the sound of the neighbourhood kids playing in the alley.  Squeals of delight at being caught in the rain, laughter when a friend gets lost in the empty lot, beautiful singing of one of the many traditional folk songs, and shouts between competitors in one of the many imaginative games they play.  It is the sound of complete comfort and reminds me just how inventive and creative kids can be with nothing more than each other for company.
  • Braids.  It has been an incredibly long time since my hair was long enough to braid.  Ponytail, yes, braid, not quite.  But the time  has come to march the braid out.  I have dreams of having those long thick braids that many Nepali women have – glossy, black, and as thick as a rope – it will never happen but one can dream.  Instead I parade a more meak and sad version of the braid, thinly woven into a teeny tiny blonde rat-tail like braid (it feels this bad but I have been assured by credible sources it is not this bad).  Braids hold a kind of earth mother mystique for me – perhaps beause my own mom worn one in my early years – but I always feel like I should bake bread, till the earth, and milk cows when I wear a braid.  Natural, earthy, and maternal – all stylish looks in Nepal.
  • Having less choice. I walked past a sign this afternoon in a large kitchen appliance shop.  Their slogan “130 modles of kitchen appliances, with more on the way” .  WHO needs 130 types of fridges and stoves to choose from? In Canada, I remember quite vividly suffering from my need for choice.  In fact, I carried it all the way to Nepal and have only just recently shaken the need.  I bought my first kurta surwal (Nepali clothes) after visiting 6-8 different tailor shops, patiently searching for the perfect fabric and colour.  I was certain that if I looked a bit further I would find exactly what I wanted – in psychological terms this is called being a maximizer.  But it didn’t take too long for me to realize that the quest for that perfect something was entirely built upon my need for excessive choice – to leave no stone unturned before making my decision.  Yesterday, I went to two shops, next door to each other, to buy another kurta surwal.  I looked at the options, picked the two that pleased me the most, got measured, and left.  I liked what I chose and felt no urge to keep searching for something better – I have become a satisficer!  More choice for me meant I was paralyzed by options…less choice meant I got to buy something lovely and had enough time left to stop, buy some plums, watch the kids play, braid my hair, and smile knowing that all the choices in the world would not make up for missing the opportunity to live in this moment.

The mental cycles of development work

have hope

see bright future

doubt said bright future is possible

lose hope

lose belief in self

lose belief in other people

see shimmer of possibility

remember why this work is important

feel momentarily inspired

be crushed by the politics and self-interest of others

realize your assumptions were all wrong

have one great meaning or meaningful conversation

have hope…

Honouring Fridays: May 8th, 2009

This week contained an incredible amount of change for Nepal, with the resignation of the Prime Minister, amidst some of the most complicated accusations and juicy political scandal imaginable.  Videos circulating of lies the previous PM told the UN, unconstitutional moves by various individuals that have been called `illegal`, and a `constitutional coup`.  And while the rumour mills and gossip chains are on fire with chatter, the rest of life rolls along, as it must.  The regular folks (and that includes me) got up and went to work, drank their tea, made dinner, and tried with all their might to hope that stability and peace would succeed.

  • Packages. R`s mom sent us a lovely package that arrived early this week.  The anticipation of opening them, the secret treats that are hidden inside, the carefully wrapped and addressed box…packages are a treat (cards and letters are just as wonderful!) that we dearly look forward to.  It is true that we can get just about anything we need here, but there is still something lovely about knowing that someone somewhere thought enough about you to drop something in the mail.
  • uTorrent. The source for my regular fix of bad yet totally addictive TV.  Until now, our power situation was too dire to even consider downloading anything remotely large.  But lately, we have been the recipients of magical power that stays on for…gasp…DAYS…at a time!!!  Which has meant some quality utorrent downloading. I am slowly finding my way back to the centre of pop culture.
  • Courage. I am currently wading through some rather intense and unfortunate group politics in my work that has had me questioning not only myself, but the worth, value, and possibility that the work we do can actually change education for children.  I was reminded yesterday that there are so many Nepalis who have been fighting this same fight for their entire lives – demanding that Dalit members of their society have the same rights, opportunities, and access to quality of life that caste based discrimination has prevented them from having.  While I struggle to keep faith in humanity, my Dalit colleagues can look at this and see it simply, as one more challenge to be overcome. My emotions still get the better of me, my hope and faith slowly drains, and I know that my courage is only a sliver compared to the courageous folks who live with this every single day of their lives.  I am grateful that they feel the courage to keep on fighting the good fight.
  • Tuna. We have once again discovered the joys of canned tuna.  I know, not much of a discovery, but I had somehow forgotten how delicious a tuna sandwich, rich with mayonnaise and studded with sour little pickle bites could be.  How much it reminded me of home.  Part of this discovery was also the holy grail of a good tuna sandwich…good bread.  A local hotel makes fresh french bread – toasted and smothered with tuna and cheese brought us right back to home.  Mitho thiyo!  (It was tasty!).

Honoring Fridays: April 17th, 2009

Where to begin!  Last weekend we had a spectacular trip to Pokhara which has a spectacular location on Lake Fewa, nestled into the “hills” (read large incredible mountains which to the locals are nothing in comparison to the Himalayas but to everyone else are fully mountains).  It was our anniversary trip so we kept it totally unscheduled and just enjoyed the spontaneity and indulgence of it all.  Without a doubt the best part was the swimming pool – with temperatures hovering around a humid 30 degrees C, there was nothing more refreshing than spending the day in the pool.  Now for my weekly dose of gratitude…

  • Planning(as I call it)/Dreaming (as he calls it). Many of our conversations during the weekend centred around what the next year might bring – dreaming about the future and just what we imagined and hoped for ourselves and each other.  There is something utterly thrilling to think ahead to what is possible and let the mind race ahead a bit.  The risk, of course, is that present time is less appreciated, less thoughtfull spent, and less enjoyed.  However, we indulged and just dreamed about what might be…it was hopeful, inspired, and energizing…thanks to Pokhara for inspiring our next dreams.
  • Sweet chili sauce. Condiment of the gods, sweet chili sauce is one of the few condiments in our fridge (currently soya sauce, dijon mustard, butter, and sweet chili sauce are actually all that are in our fridge at all…we are confident that when the power is out they are “tough enough” to withstand some subtle warming without turning into poison).  What I do recommend is sweet chili sauce on friend rice.  Delectably spicy and sweet at the same time with the nice firm crunch of vegetables.  Better, in fact, than the traditional soya sauce.  Not at all Nepali in any way but cheap and tasty nonetheless.
  • Summer fabrics. With the onset of hot weather the prospect of shopping has once again popped into possibility.  Exceptionally cheap and perfect for hot weather is fantastic linens, cottons of every colour, hue, pattern, design and combination of emrboidery, sparkly sequins, or complex hand painting.  I will admit that the clothes I brought from home are no longer suitable for this weather – they are sticky, heavy, and these days at least 3 sizes too big.  That means a trip to my local tailor for something new…yipppee!
  • New load shedding schedules. All I can say is we are down from 19 hours a day to 12…it almost feels luxurious and decadent…its not…but it still feels like it, so while the euphoria lasts I am going to enjoy it.

Honouring Fridays: April 10th, 2009

Looking back on the past year it strikes me just how much my life has changed.  So much happened!  The anniversary of our elopment is this weekend on April 12th. Rex decided to pull a surprise and book a wonderful 4-day weekend in Pokhara…he spilled the beans this morning when he mistakenly mentioned that “while we are in Pokhara…”.  Also, many thanks to VSO for moving our marriage decision forward in a big way…got married so we could volunteer in Ethiopia and here we are in Nepal…whoops…well good thing that if we ever need to volunteer in Ethiopia we will be ready : )

This weekend will provide some time to reflect on the past year and dream about adventures in the year ahead.  Next week is also Nepali New Year – a timely moment to be celebrating our anniversary and thinking about the beginning of another year together.  This post is all my gratitude towards that handsome man in the photo over there…

  • The way you make me tea in the morning. Mornings begin early here.  And while this doesn’t mean we actually get out of bed before 6am, this does mean that the sounds of our neighbourhood waking up start around 4.30am.  So, there are many mornings when waking up is hard…regardless of how early you get to bed the night before, 4:30 is still an early time to begin the slow process of waking.  But the best, best, best part about every morning is knowning that you will sneak out of bed, walk down to the little shop on the corner and buy milk so we can have tea in the morning.  A small action but I know there is lots of love in that dudh chiyaa.
  • The way people just like you. I take some time to warm up to new people.  I am friendly enough but know that new friends will be kept at an arm’s length until I have made up my mind.  You, however, are just how I wish I could be – open, warm, genuine, and immediately likeable.  How many times have we met a new group of people and they have remarked to me, in confidence later, just how much they truly enjoy you.  You are everyone’s favourite warm-hearted soul and I am proud to snuggle my soul next to your kind soul.
  • Your passion…for libraries, for small towns, for rural life, for gardens, for technical gadgets, for peggle, for www.thegreenpages.ca, for blogging, for the West Coast, for my cooking, for the internet, for friends, for taking a nice walk, for enjoy what is, for adventure, for trying anything once, for taking care of people, for helping, for family, for goodness, for peace, for all that is right in the world.  It is contagious and inspiring to watch you dream and imagine what is possible.  I am a greater believer in the unreal and impossible because I see you make it real and possible every day.
  • Your hugs. Nothing is more comforting or more reassuring than coming home from a crazy day and walking into a warm hug from you.  That will always be the most satisfying and rejuvenating way to end any day.  May your hugs be ever more plentiful as we grow old together and may I always be there to hug you right back.

Kathmandu After the Rain

The loose refuse twinkles with dewy drops – sparkly garbage ornaments decorate every alley.

Everyone is lazy, slowly moving, barking less, smiling more.  They look scrubbed and fresh too as though they spent the night under a downspout.

The air, fresh and suffused with richness, shook clean of dust, odor, and heat. The breeze plays it cool.

Filaments of sharp, crisp, verdant smells are layered over a rich earthiness.

Feet have trampled the casualties, melting them into a carpet of pink blossoms, a tribute to the wind, a cushion for my soul.

Mud tracks, previously roads, gush with silty water making sandy, dusty swirls as the sun bakes their waters to steam.

A drip drop is all that is left.  Enough to quench no thirst but my ear, wanting to hear, for one moment more, the  rain song.